Saturday, June 11, 2016

Just Breathe

I am getting a little concerned that I have not been able to go more than two days where I feel good, without having a meltdown, or something...I don't know. I had a good morning woke up to thunder and rain even though it's been hot and warm. It was a great surprise and I love rain!

In the afternoon I ended up crying and hyperventilated .. it all started when I was grouchy with my husband and he got mad, he mocked me, so I got angry and flicked him off a few times... yea that happened. We were fine after; like it didn't happen... I did smoke a second time today right after I got myself together and made breakfast.

I have notice that I am feeling more and more numb and that comes and goes. I don't know if it's because I am about to get depressed again (or I am), part of my anxiety, because of the smoking or all three. Funny thing (maybe not so funny) is that when I was going really crazy because of the memories I was re-playing in my mind I wanted to feel numb, not feel anything and now that I feel numb it's affecting me too.  

After our little fit I went to the gym( I missed two days) and I felt so much better, I did feel a little dizzy and started shaking at the gym, so I left early when I arrived home I ate and drank some coffee and had sugar in the form of chocolate :D.
We went out to the grocery store and I wore my brave and fearless bracelet just because I thought I needed to wear it. Right now I am baking some wings with bbq for dinner tonight.

I think I need to remember to stop, think and take a breather more often. I think I need to get back to meditating. I downloaded an app that I like too, but I have not used since April. The app is called Breathe it's a free app and you can add meditations for a small fee.


If you or someone you know needs help, please visit the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline. You can also reach the Crisis Text Line by texting “START” to 741-741. Head here for a list of crisis centers around the world.

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