Tuesday, June 21, 2016

Panic Attacks/Nocturnal Anxiety Attack




My first anxiety attack happened when I was 23 years old... I did not know back then that it was an anxiety attack. I had just been intimate with my boyfriend (now husband) and I was getting up to get dressed and it hit me out of the blue. I could not breathe, I was shaking, hyperventilating, I was sweating, and I thought I was having a heart attack. It felt like I was dying and it felt like an eternity; I felt weak but it was done just like that.

I have not had that many anxiety attacks since then. I normally just hyperventilate usually crying accompanies that, but it never goes past that. I have had maybe 2-3 more anxiety attacks since then(I could have had more and not even realized it if thats possible) plus some nocturnal anxiety attacks. I have had like three or four nocturnal anxiety attacks that have happened when I was sleeping( or so I think that's what it was did not go to the docs) and then I would wake up out of no where with a uncontrollable shaking and shivering body like I was cold, felt like I could not move or speak, very scary stuff. I had those when I was going to the c-part course and I was under severe stress. I say severe because it was one of my fuller semesters, I was failing math and did not drop it, I had to go to campus for the c-part course which I hated and as far as I am concern it one of the worst time of my life - along with the speech classes I had failed and retaken a few times. The c-part class brought me intrusive memories while I was attending it, and there was a chapter that we went through that affected me because I felt like a tons of bricks that fell on me because I related to everything in that chapter. I was also drinking too many pills before attending the class; I would drink Emodium (because I would get sick) and I would drink more than what the warning on the box said because I would lose count. I would have major anxiety driving to class and I also drove back once crying and as I mentioned before I drove straight through two red lights. At that time I was working too, and my husband was not working so I felt out of my mind. I was- I remember the day I drove through the red lights it was night time came home and I was still crying like out of control crying and I had told my husband he will have to take me somewhere. I had one more day of class and then once I went and the class was over (short term) I was feeling wayyyyyy better. 

I am not sure when I first noticed my social anxiety... because I have been quiet or shy like from far as I remember. Like in Kindergarten I did not talk... unless I was in the playground. I did not talk inside the classroom, I did not like doing anything social in the class, did not socialize and played with myself. When It was circle time etc I did not participate and I sat in the back underneath the table. But when I went outside I would play, laugh, talk like any other kid just inside I went completely mute. Literally mute. I also had a lot of tummy pain in elementary so I am wondering if that was anxiety.

In the last four years since I started college here in Las Vegas and taken it seriously I only have gone to two courses on campus. One a math that I ended up dropping, and the C-part course I have mentioned. The only thing I like about this community college I am attending is the fact that I can get online courses. When I was in California I went to my courses on campus and I think the fact that I had social anxiety made me not take school seriously. I did well if I decided to attend... I also did well in the hybrid courses which were the English ones. So the fact that I have been able to take them online has made it "too" easy for me and probably has made my Social Anxiety worse. I think it has made it worse because it encourages me not to be in class being social... and I also finished high school in Independent Studies. Doing independent studies was the only way I showed up to school (once a week), did all my required homework, and received my diploma... a year late but I still received it. I been looking at Universities in other states and some are still not that online friendly which makes me nervous because I have to go back to campus which I have not done in a while... and also I have severe stage fright... like for the speech type classes I had to take and retake it was so hard to get up there and do my speeches. I would hyperventilate, needed the teacher to remind me to breathe, my hands would sweat, and the longer I sat in the chair the more wiggly, anxious, and sweaty I was. When I was up there I would shake so much and I had to read of flash cards or a paper. It was awful surprised I did not faint. The teacher said to me you need to do something that you know a lot of information on... ok so I did a speech on Self- Injury ... Yeah maybe I should have asked if I could have done that type speech... so then she tells me you need to do a speech of something like a hobby that you like to do and are very passionate about... um no lady it does not matter what the topic is I am still going to hyperventilate! 


2 comments :

  1. this happened to me last night it was most scary thing happened to me i was dreaming deep out of the blue i thought If it lives inside your head its real

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    1. I know it is scary... I began a panic diary got the worksheet here http://www.anxietycoach.com/nocturnal-panic-attacks.html

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