Saturday, June 18, 2016

Psychologists, My own world

 I haven't smoked in three days or so... I have not felt the "need" too, well now that I reminded myself I just might smoke a bowl for the hell of it, but I really do not need to do so. I also have not be needing to blog as much as I was.

My new nannying position went really well :) I am soooo happy with the family, and everything seemed to go smoothly. I be back next week for two more days and we see what happens. I am surprised how early I been able to get up considering that I was getting up closer to noon.


I feel good. I am still have intrusive memories and has made me tear up, but they are not as bad so far and it's bearable to live with at the moment. Not sure what will make them go away other than talking about it; even then I think I am stuck with them so what good would talking about it with some Psychologist do?  all they can tell me is what they are paid to say "it's not your fault" " I am sorry that happen to you" "You are in a safe place" yadah yadah funny how I am always hating on Psychologist when I wanted to be at one point :D that was my first major then I changed it to Sociology and when I started school here in Las Vegas I added the Mental Health to my major for what? perhaps as an attempt to fix myself? (considering that I was on a rage rampage because I had to move here). 

I have read a few articles on some Psychologist have chosen that profession to do just that; fix themselves. Not sure if I would like to sit with someone who also had issues and decided to study the mind to fix themselves. But if they make it to be a Dr. maybe they were successful at fixing themselves, perhaps sat in the chair with a Psychologist, were a patient and not just role played; and maybe they will understand their patients better because they to have stories too that may relate or make it easier to understand what their patients are going through. I know that Psychologist can and do see other Psychologist if they need to go I can totally understand that. Being the listener that I am I attract people(not an understatement) and they just talk to me I do not have to say anything sometimes, sometimes I just nod, or I can be minding my own business and here comes someone to just vent to me. I can't ever be that person that sends them away. I have been doing this since I been in Elementary School- at that time I was the peace keeper... always fixed friendships that went South. I always thought about others feelings... I didn't even like teachers praising me because I felt bad for those who were not. BTW The good thing is I can remain neutral meaning I do not pick sides... I can understand both sides of the story,  I don't normally show my emotions when someone is venting to me, I hate drama though and after a while I suck everyone emotions like I were a sponge and it affects me. I am assuming that can happen to professionals in these type of fields too even though they are trained for it, when they burn out or whatever they too can go seek help... and them seeing so many patients with an array of issues (like me) who can blame them. I just don't hate on Psychologist I dislike Primary, Gynecologist, Dentist, as well. I only go to the doctors if I am dying or someone makes me go that has been the case for all for FOUR that I just mentioned.

My own World
I been trying to detox from Facebook, Instagram, and Youtube but it has not happened like I hope. All these things can contribute to or add to an unhappy life style and make depression worse. There has been some articles on this that I have read and it's true in my case. I have been my own guinean pig in my own experimentation haha I can make my self a chart and chart all the evidence and how frequent I use each of these social outlets in a day, but it might be biased. When I am not working and since I am not in Summer session I have a lot of free time that I can use to do hobbies (that I do not have), or find something productive to do, but instead I use my time on the computer. I have always done something else to escape my own life/reality. In primary school I created my own world had a huge imagination... middle school I made up lies, lots of lies, High school I threw myself in drawing, writing poetry (even in my sleep), created my own world, still LIED created my self a bubble just like I had grown up in.

 At the beginning of college I was an emotional mess and years later I am still in college and still an emotional mess. High school was the worst time in my life. I was really on a mission of self destruction, had a death wish, and I am currently surprised that I am still alive and made it this far because I have not really taken care of myself to this day my health is not really my priority my well being is getting to be a priority but that's because I been force to by my own demise and deterioration.  I know the reason behind this problem, but only I know that and how has it worked for me not telling anyone- not so good. 

some links about social media and depression



Culture & Youth

If you or someone you know needs help, please visit the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline. You can also reach the Crisis Text Line by texting “START” to 741-741. Head here for a list of crisis centers around the world.

No comments :

Post a Comment