Monday, July 25, 2016

Depression update

last night I cried my self to sleep... I do not know why I did I just did. My husband asked me if I was okay because I was exhaling into my pillow; I was trying to go undetected, but I failed at it. I did not even answer him, but he hugged me and I fell asleep.

On Saturday I woke up at 3am I thought I was having a panic attack but that was not it. I just had pain on my upper back out of no where, I was having muscle spams, and when I would breathe it made it worse. I had to get up and just dealing with it made me so anxious and I felt panicked because I did not know what the hell was wrong with me. My husband suggested I needed to go drink Chamomile tea to calm down and I did plus I added peppermint and I laid on the floor in the living room with an ice pack on my back and relaxed. I soon went back up and went back to sleep. I wanted to go hiking, but since I woke up so early with back pain we thought we should not... and good thing because it was smoky from the fires in California. I needed the hiking though I suggested it because it was an activity that we both enjoyed when we lived in Reno, and in California and we don't do it anymore here in Las Vegas and I thought it would help me with my depression... maybe next weekend.

Today is Monday for now I am off on Mondays, but I am house sitting and taking care of dogs and cats in Z's home this week while they go to California for his birthday. We also got talked into painting Z's room while they were away... so I guess I be helping my husband paint. This week we also have to go do a house check at the "girls" house to make sure every thing is A-OKAY while they are away. So hopefully my reg nanny job with K, and animal house sitting this week will keep me occupied enough to help my depression not get worse. I am doing better, but as you can see it's still present.

I have not smoked which I think I should have. I might do a bowl today just to relax or not since I will be busy I doubt I would need it. 

I dyed my hair yesterday - it's red I was trying to do hombre style again and this time it did not come out as good as last time... I also made my husband cut it- it's just hair right? well he cut it too short and did not listen to my hair cutting instructions haha but whatever half the time I want to buzz it all off so it's ok it will eventually grow back.

If you or someone you know needs help, please visit the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline. You can also reach the Crisis Text Line by texting “START” to 741-741. Head here for a list of crisis centers around the world.

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