Saturday, July 16, 2016

Feeling Empty, Numb or Sad? Depression Part 2

Feeling the same as yesterday maybe I feel sad today I just been in my pj's all day lunging around doing nothing. I was laying down on the couch and we had just finished watching tv and my husband was talking about dinner and I was not listening to him. I started to cry; I don't know why I was crying again... I had no reason to, just sad I guess. I was on my cell reading on mental health stuff and my husband told me to put the cell phone down, which I complained about but I placed it down. He knows I spend to much time reading stuff on social media and in this case too many personal stories from others get's me going about mines. I feel depressed; I know I am depressed. I stared at the window, cried, and took some breaths and my husband put some self-help stuff from TED and I watched. Normally I protest and walk away, but today I listened and I enjoy the speaker too. It helped. Got up and my husband and I prepped dinner.

Today I wrote something on paper while sitting on my desk and this is what I was thinking.

"There are somethings I been keeping to myself for a very long time. I was fine until I was forced to face reality in a classroom last year. I don't want to bring anything up to avoid burdening others"

"They have hurt me"

I wrote another group of words that describes an action but just decided that I am not going to write that here. I wrote it , but I erased it. I don't know what I am going to do. I have already been harmed, and keeping it to myself it's going to make things worse, I am seeing that now, I am dealing with that now; all by myself ... I wish I can just ignore it, but it's not going any where. I remember most of it and seems like it is here to stay. Slowly it is eating at my mind taking my soul, peace, and happiness away and what will be left? nothing.

 Absolutely nothing

I started smoking today again because I feel depressed... that's what is helping me still function today without it I would be in bed perhaps in darkness like I was last time. I hate having days off for so long this happens each and every time.

I will be okay.

If you or someone you know needs help, please visit the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline. You can also reach the Crisis Text Line by texting “START” to 741-741. Head here for a list of crisis centers around the world.

No comments :

Post a Comment