Friday, July 15, 2016

Feeling Empty, Numb, or Sad?

I don't know what wrong with me today. I haven't had much of an appetite but made myself eat at 1pm because I felt my sugar was probably low and we were out and about. I told my husband I felt empty and he thought I was talking about feeling hungry because I had skipped breakfast. No I feel empty and or numb not sure which one or if it is the same feeling. I decided to blog because I am crying but I don't know why. When I feel "empty" or "numb" it's when I want to dig my nails into my skin just to make sure I am alive. "Be careful what you wish for" - thinking back to earlier in the year I wanted to feel numb and not feel and now that I am doing so more often I tend to freak out a bit... this can't be good... it's not normal.

I have not followed my routine to feel zen while i'm off from working to the T and that's a mistake. I was enjoying the yoga and it was a benefit I think to my mental health, but I have not done it like for three days. Yesterday I was feeling great and today this what ever it is. Yesterday I was busy got up early went to pick up a house key and visited the girls before they leave, then I came back ate lunch and cleaned the kitchen, then I went to nanny Z till 5pm and came home spend some time with my honey -I was fine.
I will try to stay away from the internet since I tend to go on shopping sprees when I feel this way and I know how that turned out last time. I will also do some yoga and maybe meditate a little.
I go back to my regular nanny position on Tuesday so I have a few more days to hang on and hopefully stay afloat long enough to not sink.

 If you or someone you know needs help, please visit the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline. You can also reach the Crisis Text Line by texting “START” to 741-741. Head here for a list of crisis centers around the world.


  1. I loved the choice of the music in this blog! This song is really, really good!

    1. haha thanks! I actually thinking of changing them ...makes me think too deeply :P