Friday, August 26, 2016

Emotional National Dog Day RIP Charlie Bean

My dog Charlie Bean meant everything to me... I need him more now than ever( my tear licker) and he is no longer here. I had a good day... a tiring day but it was good, then I come home and I was on Facebook (the trigger) and realized it was National Dog Day today. After I realized the importance of today my mood drastically changed. I just spent more than an hour being teary eye, thinking about my dog, laying on the couch and pretending I was asleep when my husband passed by and looking at old pictures of Charlie Bean. I just got up and decided to vent a little of course on my handy dandy blog. I hope my mood returns back to how it was earlier today because I know my dog would not like me being sad.

Update:I should have stayed away from social media, but I did not and finally last night I broke down. I tried covering my face... I could not help it the tears just came out, I started shaking, I hyperventilated a little, and my back started getting back spasms (This is when I wish I shoot myself with a sedative of some kind). My husband sat next to me on the couch and made me talk about it even though I did not want too. Talking helped me from hurting myself. My urges were about to get the best of me and I was going to find a tool to hurt my arm with... but everything turned out okay I am still self-harm free going on three months now-well from using tools I do dig my nails into my arm but I can't remember when I did that last and I been trimming my nails short for that reason.

 Here are some pictures of Charlie Bean

                                  The pictures below are from Reno NV ... our happy place

If you or someone you know needs help, please visit the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline. You can also reach the Crisis Text Line by texting “START” to 741-741. Head here for a list of crisis centers around the world.

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