Thursday, June 15, 2017

On our walk the other day...

Flustered Therapy

Yesterday was therapy day, but I felt like I kinda shut down before I got there because I felt flustered and anxious. Yesterday morning I woke up in pain... my body just has been hurting, I got up later than I do when I go to therapy so I did not do anything to help me relax before my session. I did breakfast then I started running late, while getting ready to leave I banged my knee on the dinning room table really hard, while I was driving I felt sick, I almost drove past the freeway exit going to therapy, and normally I go to the restroom before my session, but I could not or I would have been late; I hate running late. Sorry for the rant but that's how I felt in the morning; by the time I sat in my therapist couch I felt flustered and anxious.

I had two really good weeks despite feeling a little jumpy last week, then yesterday I woke up feeling crappy and had a nutty morning and I been feeling sad??? I can't identify why exactly. It could be because I start new job next week and I have to leave some of my older jobs, it could be because my therapist asked me to identify and write down some of my negative thinking and words and the list I made wow it's not good- looking at it kinda makes me feel hopeless, or the financial situation at home and I am at risk of not getting my puppy. It can be all three I don't know.

My therapist will be out this Sat which is my usual time I go to my appointment. I set up one right away for Monday night and again in the same week for Saturday morning. I have had a good week with my new job, I have lunch with a friend tomorrow, and everything seems to be going okay this week!

Monday, June 5, 2017

Coloring Addiction

I bought two more coloring books recently the one titled "You are Amazing" is from Target. The book titled "Just Breathe" at Walmart for half the price the one above cost me and just as cute! Love them both. I was getting bored with the coloring book I had at home. ( I get bored easily). I also bought my self some new coloring pencils @Walmart. I was looking for a set that had a bigger shades of the same color. 

Haha I have a lot of these sheets that say good thing about "friends" my therapist would love to see these ... maybe the message would rub off on me. 
I think I have a coloring addiction :) which is good... it's a good coping skill for stress and good for distraction.

Sunday, June 4, 2017

June LiFe Update

Therapy is going well in my opinion. I been opening up about my trauma something I thought I would never do. I wish I would have done it long ago and maybe I would not be so screwed up today. Should have, could have ... whatever; I am doing it now and I am keeping my promise that I made for myself at the beginning of the year. So far I think I have been keeping it ... I go up and down with my emotions, feelings and progress sort of like a roller coaster. Like my therapist says it's a process and I am allowed to have bad days and it's OK if I do. Starting to talk about my trauma is such a breakthrough for me. The fact that I am able to trust someone else with my secrets it's amazing! there is hope at the bottom of the Pandora Box.

As for school ... I am done paying for my math courses. My mother wants me to finish college so does the rest of the family despite so much issues I have with my math learning disorder that she will pay for me to retake this math course once again. I am getting tired and hopeless regarding school. Class starts in September and I will attempt it again; If I can't pass it this time I will have to sit down and reevaluate everything.

Money has been tight we have not been able to catch up yet since my husband finally got new employment . One of main families I work for told me that they were not going to need me for the summer and that she would not stand in my way (because it the past she did) and that I can find other employment and gave me like less than a two weeks notice. Well it was like 2 weeks but then they had a family emergency and had to fly our of town and there went my second week. I went ahead and found another employment in last than two weeks and applied got hired and now she's asking me how many hours I will be working at my new employment? , if I will have one day off? etc I do not want to work with them anymore what's the point of coming in once a week? and the other main family I gave them a notice too because I will not be able to work for them anymore is too little hours and I needed to find something that replaced both and go to one place. Well it kinda backfired on me because they both would like to keep sort of working with them other than date nannying. I do feel bad leaving the kids that's why I am conflicted about the whole thing but I don't know yet what my plans are. I should just leave it simple two other families date night only and my new job is the new main family and that's that, why make things complicated? So going to Therapy once a week like I am doing now was in jeopardy because I thought I was going to be unemployed for a while. I did well doing what I needed to do. Honestly if I was not coming to therapy I probably would have taken my sweet time looking for a job. Therapy for me now is essential and one of my top priorities. Not sure if I would be able to accomplish my promise without therapy and the help of my therapist.

My husband and I went to a BBQ for Memorial Day Week and it was good to go, hard to mingle, but it was nice that we were able to go.