Sunday, June 4, 2017

June LiFe Update

Therapy is going well in my opinion. I been opening up about my trauma something I thought I would never do. I wish I would have done it long ago and maybe I would not be so screwed up today. Should have, could have ... whatever; I am doing it now and I am keeping my promise that I made for myself at the beginning of the year. So far I think I have been keeping it ... I go up and down with my emotions, feelings and progress sort of like a roller coaster. Like my therapist says it's a process and I am allowed to have bad days and it's OK if I do. Starting to talk about my trauma is such a breakthrough for me. The fact that I am able to trust someone else with my secrets it's amazing! there is hope at the bottom of the Pandora Box.

As for school ... I am done paying for my math courses. My mother wants me to finish college so does the rest of the family despite so much issues I have with my math learning disorder that she will pay for me to retake this math course once again. I am getting tired and hopeless regarding school. Class starts in September and I will attempt it again; If I can't pass it this time I will have to sit down and reevaluate everything.

Money has been tight we have not been able to catch up yet since my husband finally got new employment . One of main families I work for told me that they were not going to need me for the summer and that she would not stand in my way (because it the past she did) and that I can find other employment and gave me like less than a two weeks notice. Well it was like 2 weeks but then they had a family emergency and had to fly our of town and there went my second week. I went ahead and found another employment in last than two weeks and applied got hired and now she's asking me how many hours I will be working at my new employment? , if I will have one day off? etc I do not want to work with them anymore what's the point of coming in once a week? and the other main family I gave them a notice too because I will not be able to work for them anymore is too little hours and I needed to find something that replaced both and go to one place. Well it kinda backfired on me because they both would like to keep sort of working with them other than date nannying. I do feel bad leaving the kids that's why I am conflicted about the whole thing but I don't know yet what my plans are. I should just leave it simple two other families date night only and my new job is the new main family and that's that, why make things complicated? So going to Therapy once a week like I am doing now was in jeopardy because I thought I was going to be unemployed for a while. I did well doing what I needed to do. Honestly if I was not coming to therapy I probably would have taken my sweet time looking for a job. Therapy for me now is essential and one of my top priorities. Not sure if I would be able to accomplish my promise without therapy and the help of my therapist.

My husband and I went to a BBQ for Memorial Day Week and it was good to go, hard to mingle, but it was nice that we were able to go.

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